Life Tip #123: Never Marry An Eldest Child

When I was 12, my dad told me,


"Rudi, if you want to have a happy marriage, never marry another eldest child." 


For the record, I'm the eldest child in my family of 2 children.


Sweeping statements aside, to my 12 year old mind, my father's musings were nothing short of gospel truth and every sliver of advice he gave me - I held on to with all my heart, mind and soul. 

His concept stemmed from the stereotypical notions of the following:




Eldest child: domineering, dominant, used to getting his/her way, prone to leadership


Middle child: Highly independent, prone to taking initiative, creative (based on the presumption that the middle child is usually, relatively, the most neglected sibling)

Youngest child: Compromising, tolerant, giving, a good follower (tends to be untrue if the youngest child is of a different sex from his older sibling(s))


Only child: Lone ranger, tends to operate on a solo basis, prefers solitude, similar to the eldest child character in some aspects. 

Thus, based on the above stereotypes (which I disclaim, may be wildly untrue in various cases), my father's formula for marital bliss was for an eldest child (a leader) to marry a youngest child (a follower). This idea is akin to the saying "too many cooks spoil the broth" - if two dominant personalities come together, both unable to hand over the leadership helm to the other, it would be a recipe for disaster. 


On the other hand, if two youngest children got together, the relationship would lack direction, as both may be more keen on compromising and giving leeway to another instead of setting down concrete direction for the relationship to move in. 


Middle children, on the other hand, would be wild cards, in the sense that they tend to be the independent, dare I say - rogues. Thus, their personalities may not be as easily definable as they fall across a much wider behavioral palette.  

At the end of the day, as my feeble 12 year old mind gradually underwent limited bursts of maturity, I came to the epiphany that there are no absolutes in this world we inhabit. Many environmental factors, such as friends, religion, community, education, exposure to media, etc are strong factors in influencing the ultimate result of each individual's personality traits. Generalizing, stereotyping and demarcating based on preconceived notions will only serve to limit our pool of wonderful potential partners out there. 




After all, I married an eldest child.