Surviving an LDR aka. Long Distance Relationship

LDR what?

Here's an acronym worth knowing, as essential as the ever-saving LBD. Lil' Black Dress if you were wondering.

The Kardashians in LBDs

So. It's the LDR, also known as the dreaded Long Distance Relationship.

You fall in love with an amazing girl, with the thought that she'll never leave your side.

Well, she does and- BAM! You're saying your stiffly sniffles, waving goodbye and assuring her (and yourself) a little distance won't hurt.

Welcome to the LDR Club.

You're officially in a 'Long Distance Relationship'.

Cringing at the thought?

Considered one of the worst types of relationships as the distance may not necessarily make the heart fonder, but in fact yonder far...and beyond, thank your lucky stars you're not in one.

But if you are and still going strong, well I say brownie points and may you survive the distance and time until you are finally together (literally).

Luckily for you, I've got some effective advice for surviving a Long Distance Relationship.

1. It's HARD work, so it needs EXTRA effort

Not nobody, but everybody has had something to say before you embarked on one of the hardest journeys ever: Keeping your relationship with that girl who is a 2 hour flight away from you or even worse, in a -8 hour timezone.

Have free text and minutes? Use it on your relationship.

No such luxury?

Make use of Skype, Oovoo (up to 6 people can video talk at once) or even Facetime through your swanky new iPhone 4s while shopping for groceries at downtown Tesco because you are missing that pasta dish she makes so well and recreating it will make you feel thaat much closer to her.

Facetime on the iPhone

Committed men tend to handle LDRs better (in my experience), but well, you know women.

Nag, nag, nag.

Whine, whine, whine.

Cry, cry, cry.

Dudeee. But you're still there for her because this distance hubba is just temporary and you really, really do love her.

Women in an LDR hate feeling insecure so any decreased activity in affection will result in an atomic bomb blowing up over the phone. Or even that dreaded text: I hate you I never want to talk to you again!

LDRs need even harder work and it tests the capability of the both of you whether you can weather the storm (of a couple of months, or even years).

Question is, can you take the extra mile?

I've witnessed quite a number of failed LDRs, and it's saddening to see how one just stops working on the relationship.

Love gives life, and life keeps you living. When love diminishes, it just brings death.

It's a fact. Heartbreak is painful.

I always say: A relationship shouldn't be a one-way road. Give and take.

That's how some LDRs are able to work. Each partner gives love, and both receives love. It's a win-win beneficial relationship which then grows and strengthens your bond.

2. Be Understanding

He's in a different time zone. She's working a night shift.

Don't give your partner beef because she wasn't on Skype at the promised time.

Creating fights when you are not in close proximity takes a longer time to heal so try not to get upset over trivial issues.

3. Communicate Daily

Here's one of the best advice on keeping a relationship strong. Long distance or not. You have to communicate with one another EVERY, SINGLE day (if you can).

Bollocks about "we're cool, we can just Skype over the weekend" crap. Events happen so quickly, especially if you're both busy that weekend chats will pass by in a blur.

You don't want to wait until the weekend to share your thoughts, experiences, etc. You might even forget the urgent issues and further widen the communication gap between you two.

Too tired? Text your lover goodnight, sending instructions where to meet you in your dreams. At least when your partner reaches home he'll be able to sleep with a smile on his face, knowing that you love him.

Communication builds a strong foundation of understanding, and you become more emphatic towards what your partner is experiencing in her part of the world.

4. Don't Stray

With or without an LDR. It's a no-no rule in the relationship bible.

Straying just because that chick was more convenient (right there to talk to, etc) is wrong.

Before you undress her with your eyes (and soon enough, fingers), imagine how YOU would feel if your girlfriend back home a thousand miles away happens to be doing the same exact act to a man who isn't you. Also, one who is possibly hotter, funnier & smarter than you?

Like shit, right?

So just don't do it. It's not worth losing your relationship.

5. Set Future Goals

A long distance relationship should always have an expiry date, so the both of you can expect when this long and tedious long distance relationship will end.

Remember. Internally, women have biological clocks and whether or not it has kicked in, if you can't give a definite answer when you are coming back chances are she might be looking elsewhere later on to not waste her time on you.

6. Keep the Spark ALIVE!

Long distance relationships are a breeding ground for inactivity and boredom, so relight that spark or keep it going on by being creative.

Surprise her with a visit, plan trips together, send her a handwritten love letter (e-mails just don't cut it, sorry. Letters have that 'raw' edge and really, when was the last time you received a personal love letter other than bills?), and loads more!

There are so many creative and cool ideas you can muster up (or source online) and present to your woman.

Even if some are downright lame, she'll applaud your initiative and this will earn you brownie points redeemable when you next see her... Now boys, wouldn't you want that? ;)

I hope that helped!

P.S: If you're asking if it's worth it being in a Long Distance Relationship... Well, if you can imagine yourself with that beautiful person in the future and it feels right, then by all means, follow your instinct!

Oh, and a Happy Rabbit Year to all!

- Saran

xx

Read more »

Read This and Never Worry About Money Again

Ladies & Gentlemen, 
I'm very proud to introduce a good friend of mine - Joe.


Joe is here for one and only one mission - to make sure that you, dear SEFTSG reader, will never have to worry about money ever again. 






How is this achievable, you ask?






No, Joe is not advocating a get-rich-quick scheme (though this may qualify as a get-rich-gradually scheme).


Neither is Joe about to convince you to hand over all your hard earned green/dough/ringgit/dollars to literally leave you with nothing to worry about.


What Joe is going to do, is author a three-part series entitled "Getting Started to Managing Your Finances" to equip the average Joe (haha.) with the adequate financial knowledge and skills so that you truly will never have to worry about your finances ever again.


Without further ado, I now release Joe into the deepest corners of your credit-card polluted minds.




SEFTSG
_________________________________________________________________

The Power of Compound Returns

This is the First Part of a Three Part series on “Getting Started to Managing Your Finances” by Joe. Yes, he’s your average Joe and he’s probably in not much better shape financially that you are but hey, you can’t blame a man from trying, no?

First off, if you’re reading this you’re probably in your 20s maybe 30s and sharp, good looking and having not too bad of a time with the opposite sex, thanks to Straight Guy (and Gal now!).

But have you thought to yourself – I don’t have enough money! I wish I was earning more money!

Sure, you can get a new, better paying job - but I'm not here to interview you for a job opening - instead what I'm here for is to share some basic skills and knowledge that everybody, and I mean everybody, should have. Managing your finances, as they call it -  to make more money with what you already have.

For my first part, I want to share a very simple concept before diving deeper into the art of  managing your finances. It is not only an essential concept but indeed one that is very powerful and handy to know.

It was Albert Einstien who said : "Compound interest is the eighth wonder of the world. He who understands it, earns it ... he who doesn't ... pays it."

If the world’s smartest man to have ever lived said that, boy, don’t we all have to sit up and listen what he has to say! But wait - just what does this "compound interest" mambo jambo mean in real life?

It means two things. 


First of all, it’s a powerful tool to make your money work harder for you. It’s funny how we all work so hard for our money, and yet never have given thought to how it can work harder for us.

Let me give you a quick and simple example.

I. Love. Coffee. 

I love it so much that every single day in the year I spend RM9.50 on a grande Cappuccino at Starbucks. Doing the simple math of RM9.50 x 365 = RM 3467.5 (assuming it’s not a leap year).

Now, how much do you think I'd save annually if I had taken that money and put it into a fixed deposit account instead (with say 5% interest per year and the interest is left in the account to accumulate – ie: compound interest.)?

Doing the math, by the end of the 20^th year, I would have RM 114,656!

Okay, but what if I'd just saved that money in a jar under my bed? (that would be alot of jars!) 

RM 3467.5 x 20 = A mere RM 69, 350. 

Thanks to compound interest, I'd have effortlessly made myself an additional, sweet RM 44k!

What compound interest can do to a man.

This in turn, leads me to introduce the Rule of 72. 


If you had a fixed amount of money and you wanted to calculate how many years it would take to double it, just divide the rate of your returns against it. 


For example, you have a fixed deposit which gives you a returns rate of 6% per annum. 72/6 = 12 years for your money to double.

This rule also works if you want to calculate the returns rate which you need to double your money in a certain number of years - e.g. say 6 years which is 12%. (72/12 = 6 years)

However, the only downside to the above is this rule is less useful if the number that divides it is 20 or above. 

So, what now?

With that realization, I hope you've come to understand two things - It is worth saving and investing money here and now! 


Start early. 


Use the power of compound interest to make your money work harder for you. Each ringgit saved is akin to a "biblical mustard seed" if invested well.

Conversely so, you should avoid raking up excessive credit card/personal loan debt as this is the flip side of the compounding interest action, making you poorer and the banks all the much richer!

That is all for now. Look out for my 2^nd part of my guest series on the HOW to manage, after we've dealt today with the WHY. Until next time!

Cheers,

Joe.

DISCLAIMER: This article is at best merely the opinion of one long term investor (who at times may be overdosed with caffeine!) who is intent on sharing what advice he has read/received - but is not to be construed as financial advice/recommendation to buy/sell. Any action taken following the analysis, commentary, any information from the post is ultimately your responsibility. Please consult a professional financial adviser and exercise your own due diligence before making any investment decisions.

Read more »

P to the E to the RM.

Dear Straight Guy,


I'm currently letting my hair grow out because I'm thinking of getting a perm. Any advice?

Man hug,
Max.


_________________________________________________________________




Dear manly man Max,


Perms can be, contrary to popular straight man notion, a great look. Kudos to you for daring to tread down a path that many regular straight guys shun. 


A carefully executed perm can in fact, add handsome texture and volume to your existing style, giving you a more "K-Pop"-ish look (which is in fact, currently all the rage) and thus endearing you to a rather large portion of the South East Asian female demographic. Heck, I wouldn't surprised if white girls started getting yellow fever as well (pretty please?). 


That being said, not all is well in the Perm-o-land. Without proper preparation and education, perms can and DO go wrong... and brother, the results are never pretty.

The range of perms you can get at salons nowadays are endless - body wave, multi-texture, pin curl, root perms... new, innovative perm variations are mushrooming, and can be overwhelming for the average dude who doesn't even have a clue as to what a curling iron is. 


So to keep things simple as always, SEFTSG has summed things down to the three golden rules of man-perms:






Rule #1 - Tight perms are not a tight look

Tight perms are essentially the perm your 50 year old morning-market homemaker would go for. You've probably seen one. Your mother probably has one. Or is going to have one. 


Despite the sheer ridiculousness of this look, it remains a popular option with the 50 and above female segment desperate for that last push for volume before everything goes downhill. 


Simply put, a tight perm looks good on Nobody. And even if your name happens to be "Nobody", 


for the sake of mankind and all that is good


say no to the tight perm. 






Rule #2 - Nature knows best


This may sound absurd, but any artificial aesthetic-enhancing procedure should always have the objective of looking as natural as possible. I know! It makes no sense.


When a woman gets a boob job, she's looking for natural double Ds that look like the product of forces of nature. Not the product of a mass production silicon lab. 


When a lady gets a botox injection, she's looking for a lift that brings her back to what nature intended for her when she was 18. 


Similarly, when you're deciding on a perm - choose one that most closely resembles nature. 


For example, nature damn sure didn't intend for Phil Spector to look like he does up there (Topmost image). But nature may very well have intended for these gentlemen to look the way they do:

The above gentlemen have all had perms. It wouldn't surprise me if more than half of you couldn't tell - and that is exactly the hallmark of a good perm. A good perm fools people into believing that you haven't had a perm - and that you miraculously obtained a better head of hair overnight. 


These gentlemen underwent what some term a "natural bodywave" perm - a perm that is characterized by its subtlety in imparting volume and texture to otherwise limp and unlively hair. Typical asian hair is often soft and lacking in texture, and thus a perm can work wonders in giving your hair some semblance of personality. 




In any case, simply telling your hairdresser that you want to look like a K-Pop star still may not guarantee you a passage to hot hair heaven. You have to show him exactly what you mean.

That in turn, leads me to the third and final rule of man-perms:








Rule #3 Hairstylists are visual people


How many hairstylists does it take to pass a listening test? The answer is none. A hairstylist will never pass a listening test. (Dear Ivan, if you are reading this - do not take this personally. You are an exceptional hairdresser and would definitely pass any form of listening test of any degree of difficulty.)




The above riddle makes no sense except to illustrate the fact that hairstylists are predominantly visual people - ie. they respond best to visual stimuli. 


Except Ivan of course. (Is my appointment next Tuesday still on?)


Have you ever told your hairstylist to give you a certain haircut and it ended up nothing like what you had in mind? 


If you haven't, you've probably never been to a hairstylist.




If you have, try bringing visual aids the next time you're down in the hair-house. In other words, show your hairstylist what you want. Bring pictures. Bring photos of celebrities/friends that have hair that you want to have. That way, your hairstylist will know exactly what you have in mind and saves him the trouble of figuring out which one of the 5,672 hairstyles you mean when you tell him you want to look like David Beckham.

Never ever cross your hairstylist. You'll live to regret it.

Till next time, this is Straight Eye for the Straight Guy, signing off.

Read more »

Staxx In My Jeans, Phantom Up In My Garage

What do dressing and financial literacy have in common?


In general, we average straight dudes are pretty bad at both of them.






When you're getting statistics like 

• 50.8% of college-age adults agreeing with the statement: "I have experienced repeated, unsuccessful attempts to control, cut back or stop excessive money use." 
• 45% of college students being in credit card debt (the average credit card debt being more than $3,000) 
• The number of 18 to 24-year-olds declaring bankruptcy increasing 96% in the past 10 years (source: WSDFI, 2010)
• 23% of youths having attempted to sell grandparents to pay off loanshark debt. 

you know we're in nail-biting times. 

A hundred points for you if you didn't bat an eye at the latter (falsified) statistic. 

But alas, not all is lost. You can, in the words of the S, N, double O, P, D, O, double G, have "staxx in your jeans and a Phantom up in your garage" if you learn and stick by some basic rules of financial management, planning and investment hoo-haa. 

From the ghettoes to the Vatican: Financial Literacy is for everyone. 

Stay tuned for more, homies. 

Word.

Read more »

The Ideal Male Physique

Dear Straight Guy, 

I'm aiming for a 5 day a week workout plan with two days rest.

Should I separate cardio and weight training, ie. cardio one day, weights the next - or is it okay to have a combination of both? Or does it not matter, as long as I'm burning them damn calories?

Please advise.

Shaz

_________________________________________________________________

Dear Shaz, 

Overdoing cardio on the same day as weight training can be counterproductive. High amounts of repeated and sustained cardio will result in a leaner build (a body built for endurance), whereas a high amount of weight training will lead to a thicker build (a body built for strength and power). 

My personal advice would be to aim for a balance of cardio and weight training in order to achieve a balanced, nicely proportioned physique. That way, you won't be Lance Armstrong bony, and neither will you be Brock Lesnar stocky. The benchmark would probably be a build like David Gandy, who is a male model but built slight thicker than the average human clothes hanger you might find in that profession.

Let's observe the example of the three Davids below:

David Gandy, Male Model

Dennis James , IFBB Professional Bodybuilder

David Corbett - Canadian Marathon Runner

Studies have claimed that everyone is born with a predetermined bodily disposition, widely categorized into 3 main body types:

The Ectomorph, Mesomorph and Endomorph.

In a nutshell, ectomorphs (left) are individuals who have a naturally skinnier build. They don't store fat as easily and generally possess a smaller bone structure as compared to their mesomorph and endomorph counterparts. 


Endomorphs (right) are those imparted with a... thicker build. They store fat more easily (no ladies, you're not all endomorphs) and gain weight faster than their ectomorph and mesomorph compadres. On the bright side, endomorphs are naturally predisposed for fast muscle gains... and uh... make great WWE Superstars? 


Mesomorphs (middle) are the genetically gifted bastards everybody loves to hate - a lighting quick metabolism that will eat through any tiramisu, ice cream cake or fondue thrown at it and a genetic predisposition to accelerate the growth of lean muscle. In short, mesomorphs are lean, mean, ripped athletic machines - God's most beloved creations. 


I'm kidding. 
God loves each and every one of us because we are "fearfully and wonderfully made". 






Though there's one thing I almost forgot. 


Mesomorphs get the girls too. 

What body type are you?

Read more »

Fishy Business

Guest post #2 by ZY of LazyFshng




So one day, I was staring out my office window (at other office windows, come to think of it), trying to deal with a quarter life crisis. You know, the one where you don't have enough money to buy a sports car and you can't get a drum set because you live in your parents house and they'll never allow it. Yes, that quarter life crisis. I decided that the city was too small for me. I needed more space to swing my arms about.


So I went to Penang.


Where the girls are pretty, but the char kuay teow is so awesome that you don't even bother to look. Penang. Bridge. Island. Sea. Seafood. Fish. Fish? Fishing! There's a leap of logic in there somewhere, but the char kuay teow is so awesome you won't even notice.


Fishing. Why not? I bought some basic gear and set off.


You can read all about my very first fishing experience on my blog.


Five hours later, the salt had gone into my brain and it was too late to turn back. This next picture is dedicated to all the concrete jungle monkeys like me out there. Because for one short moment, I get to be a sea monkey instead =D.


Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and you feed him for a lifetime. Wrong I say! Teach a man to fish and he'll never do anything else in his life!


He will go fish in a lake.

He will go fish in the sea.

He will go fish from the shore.

He will go fish at a kelong.

He will go fish at a fishing pond.

He will spend all day surfing fishing forums.


He will go shop at big fishing shops and spend lots of money.

He may even start his own fishing blog, and from time to time hijack his friend's fashion and lifestyle blog to share his fishing experiences with the non-fishing (but very fashionable) world. (By this time, he's a lost cause, so please, just let him be. He needs not your pity =D)


But I'm not the only one!


Hemmingway wrote of an old man's epic struggle against one of God's sea creatures:


84 days without a fish, the old man sets out to sea, his faith in his skills and that the laws of probability won't screw him for forever (probably). He was right. He had hooked into a giant marlin. For three days and nights the old man fought the marlin. Though in pain and agony, he old man had naught but respect for his foe, a creature of such dignity and poise that it was as a brother to him. The old man won in the end, and lashed the marlin to the side of his boat to tow back to port. But his prize was eaten by sharks on the way back. When he returned, the old man went to bed, promising his apprentice that they would fish again.


For the old man, it was not about the value of the fish - though his livelihood depended on it. It was not  about bringing the fish back to port as a trophy. It was about doing what he loved best. And in doing so, he experienced something we city monkeys seldom do - nature in all its splendid glory, and a connectedness to God's creatures with which we share this watery rock.


The scent of the sea, the salt air in your face. The battle between you and the monsters of the deep. Going to places untouched by man - that insufferable creature with the opposable thumbs.


That's why I go fishing.


Especially since I don't really like to eat fish anyway. Happy fishing!

Bookmark ZY's fishing blog at http://lazyfshng.blogspot.com

Read more »