P to the E to the RM.

Dear Straight Guy,


I'm currently letting my hair grow out because I'm thinking of getting a perm. Any advice?

Man hug,
Max.


_________________________________________________________________




Dear manly man Max,


Perms can be, contrary to popular straight man notion, a great look. Kudos to you for daring to tread down a path that many regular straight guys shun. 


A carefully executed perm can in fact, add handsome texture and volume to your existing style, giving you a more "K-Pop"-ish look (which is in fact, currently all the rage) and thus endearing you to a rather large portion of the South East Asian female demographic. Heck, I wouldn't surprised if white girls started getting yellow fever as well (pretty please?). 


That being said, not all is well in the Perm-o-land. Without proper preparation and education, perms can and DO go wrong... and brother, the results are never pretty.

The range of perms you can get at salons nowadays are endless - body wave, multi-texture, pin curl, root perms... new, innovative perm variations are mushrooming, and can be overwhelming for the average dude who doesn't even have a clue as to what a curling iron is. 


So to keep things simple as always, SEFTSG has summed things down to the three golden rules of man-perms:






Rule #1 - Tight perms are not a tight look

Tight perms are essentially the perm your 50 year old morning-market homemaker would go for. You've probably seen one. Your mother probably has one. Or is going to have one. 


Despite the sheer ridiculousness of this look, it remains a popular option with the 50 and above female segment desperate for that last push for volume before everything goes downhill. 


Simply put, a tight perm looks good on Nobody. And even if your name happens to be "Nobody", 


for the sake of mankind and all that is good


say no to the tight perm. 






Rule #2 - Nature knows best


This may sound absurd, but any artificial aesthetic-enhancing procedure should always have the objective of looking as natural as possible. I know! It makes no sense.


When a woman gets a boob job, she's looking for natural double Ds that look like the product of forces of nature. Not the product of a mass production silicon lab. 


When a lady gets a botox injection, she's looking for a lift that brings her back to what nature intended for her when she was 18. 


Similarly, when you're deciding on a perm - choose one that most closely resembles nature. 


For example, nature damn sure didn't intend for Phil Spector to look like he does up there (Topmost image). But nature may very well have intended for these gentlemen to look the way they do:

The above gentlemen have all had perms. It wouldn't surprise me if more than half of you couldn't tell - and that is exactly the hallmark of a good perm. A good perm fools people into believing that you haven't had a perm - and that you miraculously obtained a better head of hair overnight. 


These gentlemen underwent what some term a "natural bodywave" perm - a perm that is characterized by its subtlety in imparting volume and texture to otherwise limp and unlively hair. Typical asian hair is often soft and lacking in texture, and thus a perm can work wonders in giving your hair some semblance of personality. 




In any case, simply telling your hairdresser that you want to look like a K-Pop star still may not guarantee you a passage to hot hair heaven. You have to show him exactly what you mean.

That in turn, leads me to the third and final rule of man-perms:








Rule #3 Hairstylists are visual people


How many hairstylists does it take to pass a listening test? The answer is none. A hairstylist will never pass a listening test. (Dear Ivan, if you are reading this - do not take this personally. You are an exceptional hairdresser and would definitely pass any form of listening test of any degree of difficulty.)




The above riddle makes no sense except to illustrate the fact that hairstylists are predominantly visual people - ie. they respond best to visual stimuli. 


Except Ivan of course. (Is my appointment next Tuesday still on?)


Have you ever told your hairstylist to give you a certain haircut and it ended up nothing like what you had in mind? 


If you haven't, you've probably never been to a hairstylist.




If you have, try bringing visual aids the next time you're down in the hair-house. In other words, show your hairstylist what you want. Bring pictures. Bring photos of celebrities/friends that have hair that you want to have. That way, your hairstylist will know exactly what you have in mind and saves him the trouble of figuring out which one of the 5,672 hairstyles you mean when you tell him you want to look like David Beckham.

Never ever cross your hairstylist. You'll live to regret it.

Till next time, this is Straight Eye for the Straight Guy, signing off.