On The Beach...

You don't really need a degree in rocket science or beach science or whatever to understand the intricate art of beachwear. Essentially, your choices consist of the following two options: the boardshort and the swim trunk. Of course, there are a myriad of other selections, ie. thongs and the like... but we shall not set course into such unchartered waters.



Venture out into any seaside locale, and you're bound to find 2 beachgoer character archetypes: the self proclaimed "stud beefcake" who thinks he can wear a bikini brief to the beach and still look credible and the 50, 60 something year old men who do it anyway because they just couldn't give a...


Now, the second category of beachgoers are forgiven. Because they're our elders and we have to respect our elders, alright children?



Duly forgiven.



But the FIRST category of beachgoers... they've stepped foot into the no-no zone. As in there is no-no occasion where you don bikini briefs to the beach. You might get away with it if you were doing laps next to Ian Thorpe in a training pool, but to the beach - bikini briefs a.k.a speedos are never the answer.

Why do I speak with such conviction? Because I personally have been guilty of committing the aforementioned crime. Yes. You got me dead bang. I wore speedos to a water amusement park and thought I was all that when I noticed that everyone was stealing glances at me. Until much later, I attained a state of enlightment courtesy of feedback from a long lost tribe of ancient gurus of the sea (mostly friends and family) and realized the error of my ways.




Now, some of you may raise a debate, arguing: but what if I have a really really hot body - rippling abs, bulging pecs, the works... shouldn't I flaunt it?


Now guys, this brings to surface another timeless rule of male fashion - less is NOT always more. The human imagination is much more powerful than actual reality. In a sense that, the key is not to reveal as much skin as possible, but rather to reveal just the right amount to ignite the imagination of the opposite sex. Sex appeal coupled with class always triumphs over skankiness.

And boardshorts do this really, really well.



Aside from not having others judge you by the size of your... materials, the main advantage of boardshorts is that they make you appear aloof... because when it comes to fashion, the second you look like you've tried too hard, the game is over. And you lose.

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Til' Further Notice

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, children of all ages,

Straight Eye for the Straight Guy will be on a short term break as the author is currently undertaking a new job assignment and settling down in Singapore.

Nevertheless, have no fear, as many great things are in store.

Stay tuned and God bless,

-Rudi

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Hi ho, hi ho, it's off to work we go (Workwear 101)

You've just graduated from university with flying colors and you've landed a top job at a prestigious magic circle corporation that doesn't mind dishing out a five figure salary to you come the 1st of every month . Could life get any better than this?

Life could get wayyy better if you don't come into work on day one looking like a bum.

To avoid the latter, you are going to need some:

• great ties


• rockin' work shirts


• decent trousers


• impeccable shoes

so let's get you hooked up with

Workwear 101.





Your Shirts

Get fitted shirts in popular shades - lighter shades if you have darker skin and vice-versa. Lighter skinned individuals should opt for darker shades for the sake of contrast, but can generally wear most shades. Fitted shirts are shirts that are cut close to the body, so as to reveal a slim, elongating silhouette.

Fitting, slim cut shirts are cut along the lines of the body for a more flattering, slimming silhoutte.

Great fitted shirts are not difficult to find - Zara and G2000 are two chains that carry many good varieties. I personally feel that the era of bold stripes is over and that good solid pastel colours are an excellent classic alternative. Nonetheless, understated stripes (stripes that seemingly blend into the outfit, stripes that are only visible upon closer inspection) still offer a good way to make a shirt stand out.

If you're wearing your shirt with a tie, see below.






Your Ties

Ties are much like people, they come in all shapes and sizes. It's easy to feel intimidated by the sheer range of ties available out there, but Straight Eye for the Straight Guy is here yet again to save the day with some very practical and simple guidelines to make tie picking quick and painless.

Tie matching involves the art of finding a tie which complements the shirt you're wearing and not otherwise. It's a lot easier to first choose a shirt and then match a tie to that shirt rather than choosing a tie and then matching your shirt to it.

The tie you want will depend on the pattern of your shirt. Plain solid colored shirts, especially crisp plain white shirts, make a safe backdrop for almost any tie. Go with your gut instinct, if it looks right, it probably is. In case of doubt, consult a female/gay/metrosexual friend.

In case of the unavailability of the said friend, let's talk about some basic guidelines. One method for safe coordination is to match your tie with your other accessories, i.e. your shoes and your belt. Also, understated colors are always safer options - think lighter shades of blue, brown, cream and darker shades of green.

If you're wearing a striped shirt, you'll only want to wear a striped tie if the stripes are not identical in size. You preferably want a tie that offers a sufficient level of contrast with your shirt. Feel free to mix up the stripes, i.e. wearing a diagonally striped tie against a vertically striped shirt, but avoid the temptation of 'over-stripifying' by wearing a pinstriped suit with a striped shirt and a striped tie.

Diagonally striped.

Plaid shirts and checkered shirts often go well with solid colored ties. Take a look at your plaid shirt and pick out a tie that complements one subtle color in your shirt. If you're unsure, understated, non-threatening colors are always safer than bright screaming shades. Once you've mastered these basic rules of tie picking, you'll be able to start experimenting with much more interesting combinations. Remember, ties are not the enemy. Ties can make you look better. So don't be afraid to experiment.



Your Trousers

In a nutshell - all will be well as long as you avoid pleated and/or heavily flared trousers at all costs. There is an ongoing debate about whether skinny trousers are yay or nay, but if you ask me - nay. Lots of my female friends say nay too.

Get yourself a few pairs of straight cut trousers with flat fronts in black, grey, white and khaki - all very safe colors with which you'll be able to mix and match your shirts.








Your shoes

Read the footwear article. You do read all the articles, don't you?

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The Four (Female) Style Mistakes

My mother actually requested this article.

Mismatched? Dispatch.

I have to qualify that I don't see this happening much. But when it does happen, it's tragic because women who mismatch their clothing are like clowns who aren't funny. That analogy is supposed to work because clowns are supposed to be funny.

Being a hottie doesn't give you a license to dress badly. As oblivious as the average straight man is, a well matching outfit will often subconsciously be noticed by the straightest of straight men and will get them thinking "there's something about that girl, I just can't decipher it."

Skimpy skimping

There is an adage that goes - the more a man wears, the better he looks (think: a great suit) and the less a woman wears, the better she looks. This is probably very open to debate, but personally I feel that a classy, sophisticated lady who doesn't need to bare bits and bobs of her body to attract attention beats a minimally dressed woman any day. Leaving more to the imagination is the way to go, ladies.

Saggy baggy

Some schools of thought have submitted that lesbianism comes about when women find that they are only attracted to the female form - the sensuous curves, the intricate styling and the artistic qualities of the female body are the features that earn a woman the prerogative of being described as "beautiful".



If you've got it, flaunt it.



In any case, something so beautiful as the female body should not be hidden beneath layers upon layers of ill-fitting garments. Whether you've got it or not, it is never the wrong answer to wear something that fits. Whether you're a size 16 or a size 0, The Bible says that "we are fearfully and wonderfully made". Thus, every curve lining your frame, every blob of cellulite on your body, makes you you. Trying to cover up those so-called imperfections by donning baggy clothes will only work against your case. Being "big" doesn't make you unattractive, but looking disproportionate might.

Made up, make up

This is probably a ridiculously overdone photoshop job, but, y' know, whatever it takes to illustrate a point.

I'm not going to step on any toes by denouncing the use of make-up, but I am going to say that if you want to know if a man loves you for who you are, face that fella without makeup. If he still looks you straight in the eye and tells you how beautiful you are, you've got a keeper. Or rather, you're the keeper.


Nothing better than a woman looking great au naturel.


A lot of women actually look better without makeup - especially if you have softer 'babyfaced' features as makeup tends to complement women with stronger features more readily. That being said, I speak for a large portion of the male population when I say that less is more when it comes to makeup.





But, as they say, there will always be exceptions.






An early start.

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