Why You Like Who You Like

About one third of the world's population believe in the notion of "love at first sight". The other two-thirds are realistic.


But rather than embarking on a debate into the virtues and setbacks of committing your love life to somebody who may turn out to look quite different in the morning, I am here to put forth yet another largely baseless, ill-researched theory on the things we do and why we do them. 




Today, I'm going to tell you... why you like the people you like.




You heard it here first on Straight Eye for the Straight Guy - attraction to the opposite sex is dominantly influenced by two factors: 


Firstly, the quality of your relationship with your parent of the opposite sex (if you're a woman - your relationship with your father, and vice versa) and of course, that thing we call the media.  












The Parent-Child Relationship Theory


It's safe to say that our parents are, respectively, the first man and the first woman we meet here on our introduction to planet Earth. 


The implications of this are severe.


Not only are our early personalities shaped largely by our parent's interactions with us and their own behavioral traits - our taste in the opposite sex also stems from them.


A bold claim, yes. Get it? I bolded the word bold. Aha ha aha ha ha...




....




Yeah.










Allow me to explain this claim with the analogy of a boy and his mother.




Presuming that the said boy grew up having a healthy and reasonably close-knit bond with his mother, his early perceptions of women will be formed based on her. What a woman behaves like, how a woman talks, how a woman walks... are all the little cues his developing mind will subconsciously perceive. 


She will be the benchmark - the standard that he will judge all the subsequent women he meets in life - including his eventual partner. 

Take my life for example. Me and my mom are tight. Not Mama's-Boy tight, but we do have a "healthy and reasonably close-knit bond". With my father taking over the breadwinner duties, my mother was the most constant character in the long running sitcom of my upbringing. Therefore, how she interacted with me, what she taught me, and the things she did for me as a child gradually shaped my adult perceptions of what a woman is capable of and also formed in my mind the inherent 'value' of a woman. 


Graduating into adolescence, I, like everybody else, had my share of crushes and puppy-dog relationships. But as a whole, I found that the women I was most attracted to had elements of... my mom.


As horrific and wrong as that sounds, it is true. I realized that women who displayed character traits akin to my mother and/or bore appearances most similar to her struck the loudest chords in the opposite-sex-attraction lobe of my brain. 

This theory, however, does not apply to those who have had estranged or relatively distant relationships with their mothers/fathers. Take my friend Mortimer* for example. Mortimer grew up despising his mother, but adoring his father. While he balked with prejudice at anything his mother did or said, he metaphorically worshiped the ground his father walked on. 


And I kid you not - the woman he married resembles his father (in her defense, his father was a fine looking gentleman). As photographic evidence is unavailable, you'll just have to take my word for it.






The same applies to women. Women who have had fantastic relationships with their fathers are more likely to be attracted to what I call the "George Clooney" male phenotype, ie. older men who resemble fatherly figures. The same could be true of women who have had the lack of a father figure in their lives - their need for such a man is expressed in their attraction towards powerful older men who might not be immediately perceived as 'attractive' in the aesthetic sense of the word. 

"Who's your daddy?" I am.

The whole jimmy of it is that our parents somehow or rather, do play an influential role in influencing our taste in the opposite sex.








That being said, in the majority of cases - an even more powerful influencing factor is










The Media Theory


This will probably come as no surprise to many. Today's world is a world of information overload - billboards, television programs, music videos and print advertising bombard our five senses continually, persistently and effectively. We buy products because we like an advertisement we see on the tube. We drive carefully because of a particularly horrifying accident we witness in the newspapers. And more significantly, we are attracted to the people we are attracted to because of what we see glorified by the omnipotent behemoth that is The Media. 

I conducted a short informal survey over the course of several months where I posed 2 very simple queries to a small sample group of Malaysian-Chinese women. 


The first question I asked them was:


1. Did you predominantly grow up watching Hollywood films or Hong Kong dramas (very popular among the Chinese population of Malaysia) ?


2. Compare the following 2 male models and choose the one you find more attractive. For the experiment, I used two models with roughly similar features and subjective attractiveness, but perceivably distinct ethnic differences. Daniel Henney (a Korean-American model/actor) and David Gandy (a British male model):

Daniel Henney 

David Gandy

As you may have already guessed by now, the women who grew up with Hollywood media overwhelming chose David Gandy over Daniel Henney. The opposite was true of the "Hong Kong drama" women who did not hesitate in selecting Daniel Henney over David Gandy.

Admittedly, the survey failed to take into consideration many intangible factors, but it does suggest the conclusion that the media has an alarmingly powerful influence on why we like the people we like.  

For further evidence - we needn't look further than the prevailing lack of Asian male - Caucasian female couples. In western society, Asian males couldn't be represented worse - Chinese men are almost always cast as grocery store owners and/or samurai-wielding-yakuza-karate-chop types. Hardly the same level of virility as the action star or the charming protagonist often played by the Caucasian hero. Sure, one could argue that Jackie Chan and Jet Li have paved the way somewhat for the recognition of Asian men in Hollywood - but consider this - when have Jet or Jackie ever really gotten the girl?

This pretty much sums up what Asians mean to Hollywood.

In conclusion - beauty is not so much a genetically-coded concept as it is one that is shaped through the various influences we absorb through course of our lives. Give it a thought - the people you find yourself attracted to - why them? Why not the Amazonian jungle-woman? Why not the stunning women of Tanzania or the exquisite beauties of the Native American tribes? 

I think you know the answer. 

*Names have been changed to protect the privacy of certain individuals