The Five Love Languages

I'm about to reveal yet another one of mankind's greatest secrets.

A gem that has the potential of eradicating all the breakups, divorces, marital conflicts and boohoo-ing in the world.

A slice of knowledge so sacred yet so... apparent... that it pains me to know that every individual in the world should duly be aware of -

The Five Love Languages (by Dr. Gary Chapman)

I came across this publication in a quaint little bookstore in New Delhi, India. And what I've learnt from it and about to share with you may literally change your life as it did mine. So ladies and gentlemen, hold tight and be prepared to be "epiphanized".

Human beings give and receive love in different ways.

This may be the most obvious yet the least understood statement in the world.

Some people give you gifts. Some like to give you hugs. A handful will cook you a nice bowl of chicken soup every once in a while. A charming lot tell you look beautiful when you come into the office in the morning. A dear bunch sit down and listen to you intently when you speak.

These subtle differences in people are actually the gateway to understanding how human beings are different in so many ways, and in the context of today's discussion, in the ways they give (and receive) love.

To break it down, there are five main ways in which human beings give and receive love:

1. Words of Affirmation

2. Touch

3. Gifts

4. Acts of Service

5. Quality Time

For the sake of understanding, let's backtrack a little bit.

It's the beginning of a newfound love. Love is in the air, it's in your nostrils, it's in your eyes, it's in your head. Love is everywhere.

This magical period where a relationship is first incubated is known to many as the 'honeymoon'.

The 'honeymoon' derives its namesake from the attribute of such a period in which the couple experience little to no conflict, an abundance of love, an overflow of hope and promise and an unobstructed horizon of future possibilities.

This is because, in my humble opinion, during the beginning of a relationship, the couple is speaking all five main love languages. The woman serenades her man with words of admiration and praise (Words of Affirmation). He gently strokes her chin and kisses her lightly on her lips (Touch), before presenting her with roses in every shade of the rainbow (Gifts). She reciprocates by cooking him a saliva-inducing three course meal (Acts of Service) and they spend every waking hour together (Quality Time).

All five major love languages are spoken, and as a result, both parties feel exceedingly loved.

But alas, this honeymoon period of wonder and excitement almost certainly will not last.

Like different tribes speaking different tongues, human beings will always revert to methods that they feel the most comfortable with. Thus, the man who was brought up to know touch as his main expression of love will attempt to touch (or do more) to his mate as his way of showing affection. The woman who was brought up being lavished with expensive gifts by her business-travelling father will revert to the philosophy that love is shown via such tokens.

As time passes, the woman, who is constantly being touched but not presented with gifts begins to feel unloved. The man, who is constantly being presented with gifts but is left "untouched" begins to feel itchy.

What the couple fails to realize is that the same feeling the man gets when he is touched, is the exact same feeling the woman experiences when she receives something nice.

Thus, a successful relationship is not about showing love the way you want, but rather, showing love the way your partner knows and wants to be loved. Just as you don't speak to a native of Africa in Chinese, you don't show love to your wife by lavishing her with bags and jewelry (although many will beg to differ) if all she wants from you is to sit down with her and listen to her thoughts.

So, my good man, your mission today is to talk to your partner, and find out her love language. Ask her what makes her feel most loved - when she receives gifts? perhaps its when you compliment her with words of affirmation? could it be the times when you spend the entire day as quality time with her? was it when you cooked her a 4 course meal and did the laundry for her as acts of service last weekend? or... as many men hope, is it when you "touched" her in the bedroom last night?

Once you've identified your loved one's love language, its time to simply make a commitment to learn how to speak it. Some suggestions:

Gifts

• Pick up a rose for her from the florist on the way back from work. Try not to make it a red one for the sake of novelty.
• Get her an IPhone/Blackberry/Whatever Tickles Her Fancy for her birthday.
• Buy her an inexpensive pair of earrings "just because".

Words of Affirmation

• DO NOT EVER TELL HER SHE LOOKS FAT. Stretch the truth if you have to.
• Compliment her on small details, e.g. notice the fact that she got her hair trimmed, tell her she's got good taste for selecting that pair of earrings, convince her that she looks absolutely stunning in that dress.

Quality Time

• When she talks to you, turn off the television and listen to her while looking into her eyes. Make her feel like she's your top priority. Nothing else says "You're important to me and I care" to a woman more than prolonged, focused eye contact.
• Once a week, set a "me and you" day, away from the kids, dogs and in-laws and take her out for a picnic, an afternoon at the mall, a movie or anything that the both of you enjoy doing together.

Acts of Service

• At least once a week (preferably more), take over the household duties, e.g. cooking, cleaning, washing, ironing. Bonus points if you run her a hot bath and tell her to relax in it while you run the chores. Extra bonus points if you lay some rose petals in the said bath. Super-duper bonus points if you do your butler duties and bring her a glass of red while she's in there.

Touch

• I feel I don't really need to elaborate here.
• But apart from what your filthy minds are thinking, fulfilling the love language of touch can be as simple as a pat on the back or a shoulder rub.

Fellas, this is my promise to you. Make the tiny effort of learning and speaking your partner's love language and things will change. I testify as such because I've personally tried it and it works. And it's worked for millions of other men who have been blessed enough to have stumbled upon this simple yet indispensable piece of knowledge, you dear reader, being the newest addition to the ranks.

Skeptics say, love is a farce and is merely a year-long chemically induced mating ritual. I say, this method will prove them wrong by keeping the fire of your relationships burning perpetually. I've always believed that love is a choice, not just a feeling. Choose love.

And remember, you didn't get this from me.