"You Don't Understand!"

Ladies, you heard this here first. On behalf of the male race, I, Rudi Cheu, hereby profess, submit, confess that a majority of men are essentially clueless when it comes to understanding the female psyche.

There, I said it.

It may be ingrained in pop culture, it may be common knowledge, but it means a lot to admit it here, in full public view, on Straight Eye for the Straight Guy.

BUT. There is a silver lining to this dark cloud.

I am here to share something so valuable, so sacred, so 'Pandora's Box'-ish... that its dissemination may very well affect the course of history. Forever.

I am here to share...

the fundamental secret to understanding the fairer sex (assuming women are indeed fairer).

OK Ladies now I need your affirmation on something, specifically a scenario that may seem all too familiar.

Imagine this (some of you might not even need to imagine): You've had a bad day at work. Your boss has been breathing down your neck with deadlines and report amendments all afternoon. Your car broke down in the parking lot. You just got word from mum that Johnny your cat has just contracted incurable cancer. And another chick at work WORE THE EXACT SAME DRESS you had on (Guys: to women, such an event is often akin to Armageddon).

In short you had a really bad day.

So, you're relieved to pull up into the familiar driveway of home. Stepping out of your towed-home Hyundai you heave a huge sigh of relief and open the hall door to see him sitting there on the couch. It's your husband.

Immediately you drop your bags and your bum on the couch next to him and start doing what women do best: rant.

STOP. right. there.

Now ranting isn't a bad thing. It's a woman's way of expression. It's her coup de force against the government of stress. It's her God-given prerogative to voice out her emotions.

So fellas, never ever berate a woman for ranting. Instead, encourage her. Listen to her. Feel for her.

If all men knew that, the following conversation wouldn't be typical:

Woman: Honey I had such a terrible day at work! My boss was such a , Johnny died, etc, etc, etc

Man: You shouldn't have you should have If you did instead of then would not have happened.

Woman: *fuming* but...but... YOU DONT UNDERSTAND!

Man: What do you mean I don't understand? You just told me your problems and I'm telling you what you should have done!

Woman: I don't want you to tell me what I should have done. I just want you to listen!

Man: So you just want me to sit there and keep quiet and act dumb?

Woman: Urgh... I just want you to listen! Which part of listen do you not get?

Man: You're probably PMS-ing. I'm off to the pub for a drink with me other Irish mates. vroom*

Now to be fair to my fellow male (and Irish) counterparts, I don't blame men for reacting the way they do in such situations either. The core rule which is the key to healthy male-female relationships is understanding that men and women are just DIFFERENT.

In order to make sense of this distinction, we need to understand the basic tenets involved in male and female social interactions.

When a man has a conversation with another man, it is often largely problem-solution based. Men since the beginning of time have largely played the problem-solving roles of the herd. Unruly herd member? Solve him/her. Shortage of basic necessities in immediate geographical region? Solve it. To a man, the following is representative of an ideal conversation:

Jack: Dude. I just got fired. (problem)

Bob: Dayum bro. I'll help you look for a new job. (solution)

Jack: You're the best dude.

Bob: I know.

Women on the other hand, traditionally play a nurturing role. A role which involves listening to each other's dilemmas, relating to one another and offering symphaty and comfort. An ideal female conversation:

Jacintha: Girl, I just got fired (problem)

Bobbita: Dayum sister. I feel your pain. It must suck being fired. I have friends who recently got fired too, so you're not alone. Are you ok? Come here. (symphaty + emphaty + oozy wooziness)

Jacintha: You're the best.

Bobbita: :) (which sounds like *sigh*)

In a nutshell,

Men want solutions.

Women want emphaty.

So the next time your female friend/girlfriend/wife/transsexual comes to you for comfort, ditch the solutions. Be there for her. Emphatize with her. Put yourself in her shoes (or heels. But not literally, you dumbass). Imagine how it would feel like to be her.

Adopting these habits will revolutionize your interactions with the opposite sex and open the doorway to the path of becoming a good listener and overall, a better human being.

But remember, you didn't get this from me.