The Five Love Languages

I'm about to reveal yet another one of mankind's greatest secrets.

A gem that has the potential of eradicating all the breakups, divorces, marital conflicts and boohoo-ing in the world.

A slice of knowledge so sacred yet so... apparent... that it pains me to know that every individual in the world should duly be aware of -

The Five Love Languages (by Dr. Gary Chapman)

I came across this publication in a quaint little bookstore in New Delhi, India. And what I've learnt from it and about to share with you may literally change your life as it did mine. So ladies and gentlemen, hold tight and be prepared to be "epiphanized".

Human beings give and receive love in different ways.

This may be the most obvious yet the least understood statement in the world.

Some people give you gifts. Some like to give you hugs. A handful will cook you a nice bowl of chicken soup every once in a while. A charming lot tell you look beautiful when you come into the office in the morning. A dear bunch sit down and listen to you intently when you speak.

These subtle differences in people are actually the gateway to understanding how human beings are different in so many ways, and in the context of today's discussion, in the ways they give (and receive) love.

To break it down, there are five main ways in which human beings give and receive love:

1. Words of Affirmation

2. Touch

3. Gifts

4. Acts of Service

5. Quality Time

For the sake of understanding, let's backtrack a little bit.

It's the beginning of a newfound love. Love is in the air, it's in your nostrils, it's in your eyes, it's in your head. Love is everywhere.

This magical period where a relationship is first incubated is known to many as the 'honeymoon'.

The 'honeymoon' derives its namesake from the attribute of such a period in which the couple experience little to no conflict, an abundance of love, an overflow of hope and promise and an unobstructed horizon of future possibilities.

This is because, in my humble opinion, during the beginning of a relationship, the couple is speaking all five main love languages. The woman serenades her man with words of admiration and praise (Words of Affirmation). He gently strokes her chin and kisses her lightly on her lips (Touch), before presenting her with roses in every shade of the rainbow (Gifts). She reciprocates by cooking him a saliva-inducing three course meal (Acts of Service) and they spend every waking hour together (Quality Time).

All five major love languages are spoken, and as a result, both parties feel exceedingly loved.

But alas, this honeymoon period of wonder and excitement almost certainly will not last.

Like different tribes speaking different tongues, human beings will always revert to methods that they feel the most comfortable with. Thus, the man who was brought up to know touch as his main expression of love will attempt to touch (or do more) to his mate as his way of showing affection. The woman who was brought up being lavished with expensive gifts by her business-travelling father will revert to the philosophy that love is shown via such tokens.

As time passes, the woman, who is constantly being touched but not presented with gifts begins to feel unloved. The man, who is constantly being presented with gifts but is left "untouched" begins to feel itchy.

What the couple fails to realize is that the same feeling the man gets when he is touched, is the exact same feeling the woman experiences when she receives something nice.

Thus, a successful relationship is not about showing love the way you want, but rather, showing love the way your partner knows and wants to be loved. Just as you don't speak to a native of Africa in Chinese, you don't show love to your wife by lavishing her with bags and jewelry (although many will beg to differ) if all she wants from you is to sit down with her and listen to her thoughts.

So, my good man, your mission today is to talk to your partner, and find out her love language. Ask her what makes her feel most loved - when she receives gifts? perhaps its when you compliment her with words of affirmation? could it be the times when you spend the entire day as quality time with her? was it when you cooked her a 4 course meal and did the laundry for her as acts of service last weekend? or... as many men hope, is it when you "touched" her in the bedroom last night?

Once you've identified your loved one's love language, its time to simply make a commitment to learn how to speak it. Some suggestions:

Gifts

• Pick up a rose for her from the florist on the way back from work. Try not to make it a red one for the sake of novelty.
• Get her an IPhone/Blackberry/Whatever Tickles Her Fancy for her birthday.
• Buy her an inexpensive pair of earrings "just because".

Words of Affirmation

• DO NOT EVER TELL HER SHE LOOKS FAT. Stretch the truth if you have to.
• Compliment her on small details, e.g. notice the fact that she got her hair trimmed, tell her she's got good taste for selecting that pair of earrings, convince her that she looks absolutely stunning in that dress.

Quality Time

• When she talks to you, turn off the television and listen to her while looking into her eyes. Make her feel like she's your top priority. Nothing else says "You're important to me and I care" to a woman more than prolonged, focused eye contact.
• Once a week, set a "me and you" day, away from the kids, dogs and in-laws and take her out for a picnic, an afternoon at the mall, a movie or anything that the both of you enjoy doing together.

Acts of Service

• At least once a week (preferably more), take over the household duties, e.g. cooking, cleaning, washing, ironing. Bonus points if you run her a hot bath and tell her to relax in it while you run the chores. Extra bonus points if you lay some rose petals in the said bath. Super-duper bonus points if you do your butler duties and bring her a glass of red while she's in there.

Touch

• I feel I don't really need to elaborate here.
• But apart from what your filthy minds are thinking, fulfilling the love language of touch can be as simple as a pat on the back or a shoulder rub.

Fellas, this is my promise to you. Make the tiny effort of learning and speaking your partner's love language and things will change. I testify as such because I've personally tried it and it works. And it's worked for millions of other men who have been blessed enough to have stumbled upon this simple yet indispensable piece of knowledge, you dear reader, being the newest addition to the ranks.

Skeptics say, love is a farce and is merely a year-long chemically induced mating ritual. I say, this method will prove them wrong by keeping the fire of your relationships burning perpetually. I've always believed that love is a choice, not just a feeling. Choose love.

And remember, you didn't get this from me.

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"You Don't Understand!"

Ladies, you heard this here first. On behalf of the male race, I, Rudi Cheu, hereby profess, submit, confess that a majority of men are essentially clueless when it comes to understanding the female psyche.

There, I said it.

It may be ingrained in pop culture, it may be common knowledge, but it means a lot to admit it here, in full public view, on Straight Eye for the Straight Guy.

BUT. There is a silver lining to this dark cloud.

I am here to share something so valuable, so sacred, so 'Pandora's Box'-ish... that its dissemination may very well affect the course of history. Forever.

I am here to share...

the fundamental secret to understanding the fairer sex (assuming women are indeed fairer).

OK Ladies now I need your affirmation on something, specifically a scenario that may seem all too familiar.

Imagine this (some of you might not even need to imagine): You've had a bad day at work. Your boss has been breathing down your neck with deadlines and report amendments all afternoon. Your car broke down in the parking lot. You just got word from mum that Johnny your cat has just contracted incurable cancer. And another chick at work WORE THE EXACT SAME DRESS you had on (Guys: to women, such an event is often akin to Armageddon).

In short you had a really bad day.

So, you're relieved to pull up into the familiar driveway of home. Stepping out of your towed-home Hyundai you heave a huge sigh of relief and open the hall door to see him sitting there on the couch. It's your husband.

Immediately you drop your bags and your bum on the couch next to him and start doing what women do best: rant.

STOP. right. there.

Now ranting isn't a bad thing. It's a woman's way of expression. It's her coup de force against the government of stress. It's her God-given prerogative to voice out her emotions.

So fellas, never ever berate a woman for ranting. Instead, encourage her. Listen to her. Feel for her.

If all men knew that, the following conversation wouldn't be typical:

Woman: Honey I had such a terrible day at work! My boss was such a , Johnny died, etc, etc, etc

Man: You shouldn't have you should have If you did instead of then would not have happened.

Woman: *fuming* but...but... YOU DONT UNDERSTAND!

Man: What do you mean I don't understand? You just told me your problems and I'm telling you what you should have done!

Woman: I don't want you to tell me what I should have done. I just want you to listen!

Man: So you just want me to sit there and keep quiet and act dumb?

Woman: Urgh... I just want you to listen! Which part of listen do you not get?

Man: You're probably PMS-ing. I'm off to the pub for a drink with me other Irish mates. vroom*

Now to be fair to my fellow male (and Irish) counterparts, I don't blame men for reacting the way they do in such situations either. The core rule which is the key to healthy male-female relationships is understanding that men and women are just DIFFERENT.

In order to make sense of this distinction, we need to understand the basic tenets involved in male and female social interactions.

When a man has a conversation with another man, it is often largely problem-solution based. Men since the beginning of time have largely played the problem-solving roles of the herd. Unruly herd member? Solve him/her. Shortage of basic necessities in immediate geographical region? Solve it. To a man, the following is representative of an ideal conversation:

Jack: Dude. I just got fired. (problem)

Bob: Dayum bro. I'll help you look for a new job. (solution)

Jack: You're the best dude.

Bob: I know.

Women on the other hand, traditionally play a nurturing role. A role which involves listening to each other's dilemmas, relating to one another and offering symphaty and comfort. An ideal female conversation:

Jacintha: Girl, I just got fired (problem)

Bobbita: Dayum sister. I feel your pain. It must suck being fired. I have friends who recently got fired too, so you're not alone. Are you ok? Come here. (symphaty + emphaty + oozy wooziness)

Jacintha: You're the best.

Bobbita: :) (which sounds like *sigh*)

In a nutshell,

Men want solutions.

Women want emphaty.

So the next time your female friend/girlfriend/wife/transsexual comes to you for comfort, ditch the solutions. Be there for her. Emphatize with her. Put yourself in her shoes (or heels. But not literally, you dumbass). Imagine how it would feel like to be her.

Adopting these habits will revolutionize your interactions with the opposite sex and open the doorway to the path of becoming a good listener and overall, a better human being.

But remember, you didn't get this from me.

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Behaving Better

As the blog description states, Straight Eye for the Straight Guy was formulated as "A practical guide by a straight guy for straight guys to dressing better, behaving better and living better."

I believe that the time has now come to take this blog in a new direction, simply called the

Behaving Better chapter.

Stay tuned.

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When...

When...

you need to decide



between two articles of clothing.


ALWAYS choose the simpler one.

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On The Beach...

You don't really need a degree in rocket science or beach science or whatever to understand the intricate art of beachwear. Essentially, your choices consist of the following two options: the boardshort and the swim trunk. Of course, there are a myriad of other selections, ie. thongs and the like... but we shall not set course into such unchartered waters.



Venture out into any seaside locale, and you're bound to find 2 beachgoer character archetypes: the self proclaimed "stud beefcake" who thinks he can wear a bikini brief to the beach and still look credible and the 50, 60 something year old men who do it anyway because they just couldn't give a...


Now, the second category of beachgoers are forgiven. Because they're our elders and we have to respect our elders, alright children?



Duly forgiven.



But the FIRST category of beachgoers... they've stepped foot into the no-no zone. As in there is no-no occasion where you don bikini briefs to the beach. You might get away with it if you were doing laps next to Ian Thorpe in a training pool, but to the beach - bikini briefs a.k.a speedos are never the answer.

Why do I speak with such conviction? Because I personally have been guilty of committing the aforementioned crime. Yes. You got me dead bang. I wore speedos to a water amusement park and thought I was all that when I noticed that everyone was stealing glances at me. Until much later, I attained a state of enlightment courtesy of feedback from a long lost tribe of ancient gurus of the sea (mostly friends and family) and realized the error of my ways.




Now, some of you may raise a debate, arguing: but what if I have a really really hot body - rippling abs, bulging pecs, the works... shouldn't I flaunt it?


Now guys, this brings to surface another timeless rule of male fashion - less is NOT always more. The human imagination is much more powerful than actual reality. In a sense that, the key is not to reveal as much skin as possible, but rather to reveal just the right amount to ignite the imagination of the opposite sex. Sex appeal coupled with class always triumphs over skankiness.

And boardshorts do this really, really well.



Aside from not having others judge you by the size of your... materials, the main advantage of boardshorts is that they make you appear aloof... because when it comes to fashion, the second you look like you've tried too hard, the game is over. And you lose.

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