The Style Commandments

Thou shalt not...

Wear white athletic socks with dress shoes

Athletic socks are called athletic socks exactly because they were made to be used solely for athletics. You might have been able to get away with wearing them under your green trousers in primary and secondary school, but that was just because everybody else was doing it. You're now a new man, so you need new socks.

In any case, a good pair of cotton black socks is never the wrong answer. If you're feeling adventurous, try patterned socks, but remember to choose a pair with dark shades as its base color. And the law dictates - no novelty socks! (e.g. Star Wars, Homer Simpson, Mickey Mouse patterns.)

Great style comes from having great socks.



Alright alright alright, a little riddle.


How many holes do you have in your socks?


None?


Then how'd you get your feet in?
Geddit? Geddit?

Hm. That seemed wayyy funnier when I was twelve.

Anyway. Socks are the undergarments for your feet as your boxers are for your crotch. As you wouldn't want little (or big, whatever makes you happy) Johnny peeking out through your underpants, similarly you don't want a toe burrowing its way out into the real world. Throw out those 'hole-y' socks and get new ones! Pronto!

You don't get any classier than this.





Wear a fanny pack

One or two people I've met have expressed to me their horror at the invention that is the fanny pack. Personally, I've sported it. Haha. I don't really see the issue with fanny packs. In my opinion, as long as the 'fanny pack' is made out of good material and is of a color that complements your entire getup, it can be a functional, convenient and practical tool, especially when you're hiking around a Lonely Planet destination and want to keep your hands free to ward off evil sand dune creatures.





On a serious note, some designers as of late have come up with updated renditions of the 'fanny pack'. Have a look:






The ugly ones should be called 'fanny packs' and the nicer ones should be called something less 'fanny' - like 'waist pouches'.


I cordially welcome enlightenment on this topic! Leave a comment if you wish.





Wear Crocs

There is probably no more-passionately-hated variety of footwear in the world today. In fact, Crocs Inc. stocks have plummeted recently due to a surge in I-Hate-Crocs campaigns.

I can think of a few advantages of Crocs though.

They're pretty durable... They're waterproof! They're...

Um yeah. That's about all I can think of.


Gotta give him kudos for trying.

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The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Wear

I was reading a certain mens' magazine recently (the kind with the good articles), when I came across an interesting poll.

The poll's results revealed that the majority of women think that the sexiest thing a man can wear is...




not...




the perennial Tuxedo,






not...



the Italian swim trunk





not...



the 'Birthday Suit'



No photo you dimwit. Children are reading this.



The outfit that beat them all for the title of 'The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Wear' was none other than...





the White T-Shirt and Jeans combo









Has that particular mens' magazine committed a grave injustice? Or was it spot on?

You have permission to rant.

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Accessorize, Mesmerize, Magnetize

Accessorizing - the word alone is enough to make any straight man recoil in horror.

But wait. Look at your hands - that ring on that index finger of yours. That's an accessory. Your wrists - Tag Heuer, no less - an accessory. Your Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles backpack you used to carry to kintergarden? Son, you've been accessorizing even before you even knew how to count to three.

So don't fear the man-accessory. Embrace it and use it to your full advantage. Here are a couple of accessories every man should own.

The 'Man-Bag'

The man bag is the male counterpart of a woman's handbag. Where carrying around a handbag will make you look positively queer, the 'man bag' is instead designed to be a functional, chic and practical (there's that magic word!) alternative for the everyday man to keep his necessities (laptop, documents, sunglasses, etc) in check.

There are several 'man bag' varieties available out there, but the golden rule is to avoid anything that is too small to keep a standard sized laptop in.

A little (OK, a lot) too small.

A little too big.

Perfection - The classic messenger bag.

You can almost never go wrong with a smartly constructed good quality leather bag. Think of it this way - bags made from nylon/artificial materials are to milk as leather bags are to fine wine. The former will eventually turn bad, but the latter can only get better with age.

Two kinds of travel bags I think men should invest in are Samsonite briefcases (for corporate types) and duffel/tote bags (for weekends away).

Even Kanye's a believer.

A black leather duffel tote bag.

I don't think most of you will go this far, but remember that as far as possible, even when it comes to your bags, match your leathers (i.e. black leather belt, black leather shoes, black leather watch, black leather duffel tote bag).

The formula for looking rich and successful is simple - a black leather Samsonite briefcase + bespoke business suit.

And you'll still look important even if all you're carrying in that bag is the packed lunch your mother prepared.

Sunglasses

The art of choosing the right pair of sunglasses deserves a post of its own, but anyway, here are some pointers to get you going:

• When faced with a choice between two frames, always go for the simpler one. Flamboyant frames are really never the answer unless your aim is to look "totally fabulous". And you're straight right? If you are, you don't want to look "totally fabulous".
• The size of your sunglasses should be proportional to the size of your face - smaller sunglasses for smaller faces; larger sunglasses for larger faces. The frame shape should contrast with (that is, be the opposite of) the shape of your face.
• Classic frames (e.g. Wayfarers, Aviators) never go out of style and complement almost anybody
  

The classics: Aviators and Wayfarers, both by Ray Ban

The Pocket Square

Again this goes back to one of the most sacred rules of style: last thing on, first thing noticed. Pocket squares may seem like an insignificant final addition to the average straight man, but again I must reiterate, last thing on, first thing noticed! Behold the two following exhibits:

The pocket square on this gentleman's jacket is expertly matched to the white tones in this 2 tone-ensemble and instantly adds a touch of candor and sophistication to an otherwise uninspiring getup.

Photographic evidence that women dig guys who wear pocket squares.

Cufflinks

We men don't really have as much variety and spice in clothing options as compared to the fairer sex - most of what we wear are variations of suits, shirts, polo tees and trousers in different fabrics... thus, accessorizing is vital for the sake of your individuality. And think of cuff-links as your paintbrushes on the canvas of your individuality (i.e. your french-cuffed shirts).

Attractive woman: "Oh my word, he's wearing CUFFLINKS!"

There are no strict rules when it comes to choosing cufflinks. However, to be safe, opt for platinum, white gold, silver and steel. Gold seldom looks good on anyone under 40 and is also generally harder to match.

Watches

Similar rules apply to watches - gold is always a no-no if you're under 40 and don't have a great tan. That being said, you can never go wrong with a nice strong steel watch. Gay men sometimes look at another man's watch to make an educated guess as to that person's sexual orientation. Strong steel watches lean toward a "I like women" sentiment, so if you're not one who walks on the wild side, think steel.

If you're a man of exceptional style and class, consider watches with a leather strap. Again, keep in mind the rule on matching leathers (brown leather watch, brown leather belt, brown leather shoes). Aim to own one black leather and one brown leather strap watch. Black leather is great for formal/business events whereas brown leather carries across a sense of casual-coolness with a tinge of rebellion.

And guys, repeat me after me: sports watches are exactly as their name implies - strictly for sports.

Jewelery

There's nothing wrong (or gay) with wearing rings, but keep in mind that wearing anything more than one ring is pushing it. Again, white gold and silver will be your top choices. Save the diamonds for your other halves and gold rings for the tanned 40-somethings of this world.

I honestly can't say much about earrings. Apparently there is a stigma that wearing an earring on your left (or was it right?) ear is literally indicative of your sexual preference. In any case, less is always more when it comes to jewelry.

But yet again I have to qualify that although these guidelines will work for almost every man, there is a particular section of society which does not play by the rules (and can get away with it).

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Honey Do I Look Fat In This?

I was talking to a good friend the other day, and she told me a tale of an acquaintance of hers who is going on a one-apple-a-meal diet in order to lose weight to please her boyfriend. And this said acquaintance was originally not even anywhere near overweight. It broke my heart.


Ladies,


I have the utmost respect and understanding for the everyday woman's struggle in weight loss - society and pop culture ingrains in women the desire to be as thin as models gracing magazine covers and working the runways, and in men, the need to be broad and muscular like every big-screen action hero. Our culture has effectively dictated that women need to be rake thin and men need to be lean and mean in order to be loved and deemed as attractive. And we know everybody just wants to be loved :)




Sad to say, the trend towards the ideal man is healthier by leaps and bounds as compared to the expectations placed on the fairer sex. In order to achieve society's desired template, men are driven to put in hours exercising at the gym and eating copious amounts of food (an important qualification being some who pump themselves silly with supplements and steroids). On the other hand, in order to achieve the look of the "ideal woman", ladies are pushed towards a lifestyle of self-starvation and self-denial of the most basic of human indulgences - Ben & Jerry's, Cheesecake, Apple pie, Sarawak Laksa... opting instead to go to such lengths as eating a wheat biscuit and watercress leaves for lunch! And when you encounter such statistics as 1 in 200 American women are suffering from anorexia, it becomes evident that striving to become the ideal woman is supremely more unhealthy than the quest to become the ideal man.



I am here because I feel the status quo must be changed before many more innocent lives are put at stake for this very false idea of beauty. Curvier and more voluptuous women appeal to a broad range of men owing to inbuilt instincts that characterize ample bosoms and full posteriors as indications of fertility and health. Girls, I speak as an individual and I believe I also speak collectively for a substantial (if not the majority) part of the male race when I say -

The waif look is not attractive.

"The skinny woman doesn't appeal to me. If you visit the Renaissance Palaces in France, you'll see that attractive women are depicted as being of normal/larger size. The world is changing." - Stephen, 50, Corporate Executive.

"I think girls who are too thin miss out on the chance of developing secondary sexual traits which clearly ruin their looks. HAHA." - Arther, 20, Law Student.

"Skinny doesnt seem healthy. Skinny seems like skin and bones, so my answer have to be no, I do not find the skinny girls attractive." - Keat, 23, Mama's Boy.

"I don't like chubby girls nor do I like skinny girls. I like my women healthy!" - Praveen, 22, Dude.

"Nope, I've never fancied skinny models. I like meaty girls. Runway models are like ornaments - only for display purposes." - James, 26.

"Wellll.. I don't actually think that they are beautiful being that skinny. If anything, it puts me off. BUT it just so happens that most of the waif skinny chicks have very beautiful 'TV faces' which is why people forget that they are uglier than they appear... if that makes sense." - Hseng, 21, Stud (short for student).



Personally, I'm not advocating binge eating and pigging-out to pack on the pounds, as that would be equally as unhealthy. Instead, in my opinion, the most attractive women are often those who adopt healthy lifestyles characterized by a good wholesome diet and plenty of exercise. Such women are the real man's dream of a physically and emotionally complete woman, and are more likely to be confident, fulfilled and a joy to be around. And even if you're not exactly 'yoga-fit', have no fear, as I did a Google image search for the terms "attractive woman", and 9 out of 10 results represented women of normal or voluptuous build - try it for yourself! (Remember to keep 'Safesearch' on, people.)

So girls, it's not a big deal if your waist is 4 inches wider than Gisele's or if your thighs look like boulders compared to Naomi's. On behalf of all men in the world, I vow that the male race will love you for you, and that we can only grow to love you more the more you love yourself :)


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